Now that she’s gone…


I’m lying on my bed listening to The Script as I type this. Glassy eyed. Uncomfortably full, yet thinking of checking if there’s cake in the fridge. No, I did not just break up with my boyfriend. Neither did I accidentally delete all my music. My sister just got married. Yeah, I know. It doesn’t seem like something to get overly sad about. And I’m not overly sad. I’m looking for a word to describe how I feel. Nostalgic? I suppose. You know how when you’re used to having someone around for so long, when they leave it creates a big void in your life? No? Who are you? Oh, you do? Pheew, thought I was the only one. Course I’m not the only one. Pff.

Anyway, I haven’t even felt half of that void yet. That, I’m sure. But oh it is definitely in the offing. See, my sister is less than two years older than I am. One year, eight months, two days and 22 hours to be exact. Ok I’m kidding about the hours. We haven’t been away from each other for more than a week for, a really long time, save for our high school years when we were both in different boarding schools. I’ve also shared a room with her pretty much all my life. Well, a room and so much more. Now, I stare at her bed and some of the belongings that she is yet to take to her new home and it makes me :(. Really, it does. I keep thinking she’s off at a friend’s house for a sleep over or at band practice and that she’ll be back in the morning. She’s not. And she won’t.

Here’s a couple of things that will happen now that she’s gone.
1.     I won’t see the lights on in what used to be ‘our room’ when I come home late and she’s home before me.
2.    I’ll have no one to ask how I look in the morning; and no one to tell me which earrings, shoes, scarves et cetera best go with my outfits.
3.    I’ll have no one to ask, “Does this make me look thin?” She was always the best person to ask.
4.    I’ll probably have to get my own bathroom slippers. I’ve been using hers for close to two years.
5.    I’ll have no one to have silly conversations with, in bad French/Spanish/Middle Eastern accents.
6.    I’ll have to make a lot of decisions on my own.
7.     I’ll have no one to recreate dramatic scenes from Ratatouille/The Incredibles/Despicable Me, among other animations, with.
8.    I’ll have no one to make fun of/act out possible dramatic scenes from Latina soaps with.
9.    I’ll have no one to sing old R’n’B songs with plus recreate music videos…ok we do a lot of recreating, evidently.
10.    I’ll have to get a pair of pink studded earrings, and a brown sweater. I used to wear hers every time I needed to.
11.    I’ll have to make more use of my alarm clock. She used to wake me up when I overslept. Mostly.
12.    😦

I know all this seems rather silly but it kind of meant a lot, and that is why I’m accepting sisterhood applications. Yes, I am looking for a semi-permanent replacement.

Am I being a tad dramatic about this? Maybe. She’s not gone forever. Neither is she dead. She’s just out of my immediate reach. She’s a wife now and maybe a mother soon. Meanwhile, I have some growing up to do. Having an older sibling spoils you in a way. You always have someone looking out for you who has, in most cases, been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, and donated it to charity. So I’m learning how to deal with these, and other, life changes the best way I can (acceptance…ok who am I kidding, I’m just spending more time with my laptop :D), even though I do not respond to change very well, probably as a result of my very phlegmatic temperament (we’ll talk about that sometime). Are you facing any life changes? How are you coping?

P.s. There was cake in the fridge. Found out the next morning 😀

P.s.(2) Irrelevant info –> My name was first on the bridesmaids list – cheap thrills 😀


31 thoughts on “Now that she’s gone…

  1. The script!!!! I really like that band… ummm you have a small foot (size five) onto more pertinent issues.. the human being is resistant to change especially that that involves something that was being held closely being taken away from you. We are selfish by nature but you know what I’m sure wherever she is her husband will be getting a lot of “YOU’RE NOT HER!” as well =)

    p.s yo mad me play the script on my comp (for the first time) funny thing I started the song when reading the post and it ended now. 😀

    • Um I don’t think her husband will get “You’re not her!” well at least for a year or so 😀
      Also, I don’t have a small foot. I actually wear sizes six and seven but with slippers, I guess I also do five :). I like ‘For the first time’ and ‘Nothing’. They’re my best in the new album 🙂

    • Pssshhh! Woozie beat me again…you guy, gatta slow down on the instant blogpost comments! Give me a chance to top…see what I did here, I cut queue haha…

      Ed, aaaw….Id prolly melt into a pasty mess too. But I guess you learn to live with the void? and with time it becomes normal? In the meantime, I can pretend to qualify, and be her? But no sharing slippers…no go buy yours!!! ::D

  2. When my sister left for the states I cried for three days and watched movies. Then slowly life does it what it does and now normal means she’s not around and if she ever comes back she will be visiting i.e. nakufeel!!! pole sanaarrr 🙂

    • Sigh yeah I know what you mean. I’m actually not that sad about it but I’m guessing this post felt sad huh. I’m getting a lot of poles 😀 Thanks

  3. I love your writing, seems to flow. Now, let’s work on getting you that sister on hire so you survive the next few months/years? before you make your own getaway. (this is the best I have, considering that I was the one who left people…and dudes are just told by their families…”See ya! Visit sometime” when we marry :-))

    • Thanks Mutua. I guess there’s not much emotion involved for dudes huh. Meanwhile, let’s get those applications out there! 😀

  4. ooooohhhh Edd….i have also never had a sister,and am sure i have told you guys a gazillion times how i wish i had one.anyway Wangeshi, Bobz and I are willing to move in soon.don’t you worry!!!we have even spoken to the Gicovi mother and father,and one day when you get from work…….vuala,you will have 3 new sisters.

  5. I’m a 1st born, we too (the marrieds) have the nostalgic feel of missing the home… what to think, what to say? life is interesting…

  6. and am the sister everyone is moping about 🙂 Ed i super love your writing… Ps. the slippers, were a suv, but i heard mum planning to take them away…. run… don’t open the door, turn away from the light!!!!! NOOOO!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 ❤ love you!

    • Haha Beulz 🙂 Yes, here she is!! She will never take them away…NEVER!!! Muhahahaha *cough cough* 😀 Thank you. I’ll come visit soon. 🙂 Love you sis :-*

  7. *aaaw*fellow marchian*fantastic writing..*I LIKE*….was chating with beulz the other day and we happened to mention how you are coping now that she is away…she got all emotional..*sniff*sniff*(i had to lend her my scarf for her tears)so baby gal u aint the only one,experiencing the *tough* change*..Actually,she’s the one who told me about this blog post….heard to come SEARCH for it..quite something….napwendwa sana..check your email for my “new sister application*lol

  8. LOL! LOL! LOL! Ed, what can I say? Every topic comes out witty 🙂 I really love it. Gosh!! In honour of Beulz!! How sweet of you!! I love. I don’t know if I fit the advertisements but you’re still a girlfriend 🙂

    Then I totally feel this post coz my sis got married late last year and I wondered all these things. The part I most relate to is sort of being handed over to to be the first born in a sense. That’s freaky. The consolation is that I see how happy she is and it’s worth it.

    • Thank you! Enjoying my wordpress experience so far. Will get my own domain after a while, still via wordpress, Godwilling. Yeah I totally get you on the ‘seeing how happy she is’ part. About being the first born, I’m yet to feel that. My lil’ bro is in high school-boarding so right now I’m like the only child. I’ll probably feel it at the end of this year when he’s done with school.

  10. u make havin a sister sound like so much fun,…i feel like av missd out on so much by just having brothers,… i shall tender my application then mayb il enjoy the sister hood experience,…
    Gud stuff ed

    • Thanks Joyce! Unfortunately, applications are closed. I’m now aiming for the ‘only child’ thing. Now if only my bro could move out… Glad you love my writing. Thanks for stopping by! 😀

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