Now that she’s gone…

9/4/11

I’m lying on my bed listening to The Script as I type this. Glassy eyed. Uncomfortably full, yet thinking of checking if there’s cake in the fridge. No, I did not just break up with my boyfriend. Neither did I accidentally delete all my music. My sister just got married. Yeah, I know. It doesn’t seem like something to get overly sad about. And I’m not overly sad. I’m looking for a word to describe how I feel. Nostalgic? I suppose. You know how when you’re used to having someone around for so long, when they leave it creates a big void in your life? No? Who are you? Oh, you do? Pheew, thought I was the only one. Course I’m not the only one. Pff.

Anyway, I haven’t even felt half of that void yet. That, I’m sure. But oh it is definitely in the offing. See, my sister is less than two years older than I am. One year, eight months, two days and 22 hours to be exact. Ok I’m kidding about the hours. We haven’t been away from each other for more than a week for, a really long time, save for our high school years when we were both in different boarding schools. I’ve also shared a room with her pretty much all my life. Well, a room and so much more. Now, I stare at her bed and some of the belongings that she is yet to take to her new home and it makes me :(. Really, it does. I keep thinking she’s off at a friend’s house for a sleep over or at band practice and that she’ll be back in the morning. She’s not. And she won’t.

Here’s a couple of things that will happen now that she’s gone.
1.     I won’t see the lights on in what used to be ‘our room’ when I come home late and she’s home before me.
2.    I’ll have no one to ask how I look in the morning; and no one to tell me which earrings, shoes, scarves et cetera best go with my outfits.
3.    I’ll have no one to ask, “Does this make me look thin?” She was always the best person to ask.
4.    I’ll probably have to get my own bathroom slippers. I’ve been using hers for close to two years.
5.    I’ll have no one to have silly conversations with, in bad French/Spanish/Middle Eastern accents.
6.    I’ll have to make a lot of decisions on my own.
7.     I’ll have no one to recreate dramatic scenes from Ratatouille/The Incredibles/Despicable Me, among other animations, with.
8.    I’ll have no one to make fun of/act out possible dramatic scenes from Latina soaps with.
9.    I’ll have no one to sing old R’n’B songs with plus recreate music videos…ok we do a lot of recreating, evidently.
10.    I’ll have to get a pair of pink studded earrings, and a brown sweater. I used to wear hers every time I needed to.
11.    I’ll have to make more use of my alarm clock. She used to wake me up when I overslept. Mostly.
12.    😦

I know all this seems rather silly but it kind of meant a lot, and that is why I’m accepting sisterhood applications. Yes, I am looking for a semi-permanent replacement.

Am I being a tad dramatic about this? Maybe. She’s not gone forever. Neither is she dead. She’s just out of my immediate reach. She’s a wife now and maybe a mother soon. Meanwhile, I have some growing up to do. Having an older sibling spoils you in a way. You always have someone looking out for you who has, in most cases, been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, and donated it to charity. So I’m learning how to deal with these, and other, life changes the best way I can (acceptance…ok who am I kidding, I’m just spending more time with my laptop :D), even though I do not respond to change very well, probably as a result of my very phlegmatic temperament (we’ll talk about that sometime). Are you facing any life changes? How are you coping?

P.s. There was cake in the fridge. Found out the next morning 😀

P.s.(2) Irrelevant info –> My name was first on the bridesmaids list – cheap thrills 😀