How to the find the perfect wedding dress: 15 simple steps – Part 1

  1. Blow the dust off a Pinterest account that you created ages ago but have never really put to any use. Try to remember your password. Give up on this and create a new password.
  2. Type ‘wedding dresses’ into the search bar and get lost in the plethora of options generated. Should you go for vintage, lace, princess, encaje, mermaid, boho, modest, backless, with sleeves, A-line, rustic, or tea length? Sure, you don’t know what some of these terms are referring to but they all sound great!
  3. Let your search take you to the deepest recesses of the Internet, to the places many fear to tread, the 18th page of Google search.
  4. Decide that you have seen it all and make your decision. Something that you haven’t yet encountered on your perilous voyages on the Interwebs. A long-sleeved wedding dress. With pockets. No lace. Lace is too mainstream.
  5. Type ‘long-sleeved wedding dress pockets’ into the Pinterest search bar. Wow, these exist. Marvel at the exquisiteness of some of the designs. This is definitely what you want. The sheer simplicity, elegance and non-mainstreameness of it is making you smile in traffic.
  6. You decided a while back that your wedding dress would be couture (and hopefully won’t cost you an arm, leg and spleen) and you already have a date with a fundi that has known you since you were into nguo za stairs.
  7. The day before your fundi visit, open a link sent to you by your fiancé from apracticalwedding.com on WhatsApp, containing ‘unconventional wedding dresses’. Get mind-blown by the designs and decide that your choice wasn’t unconventional enough. Not rustic or bohemian enough. This is, after all, what you were going for.wedding-dress-searchb
  8. Settle on a different design from the one you had shown your mother and all other interested parties at 11.37 pm. The model in the picture wears a one shoulder, straight wedding dress that falls oh so gracefully. Her hair is down and there’s that sunny, cheery feel (that you’re also going for) in the picture. #sunkissed
  9. Your mother may not approve. She will say it’s too simple and ask if you’re sure about this. You will chuckle at this. How can you not be?
  10. Take the design to your fundi, printed on photographic paper so she doesn’t miss the finer details. Screens can be deceiving. Find a way to add pockets to the mix. Fundi is doubtful about doing this with chiffon. It’s possible, insist on this. Show her a picture on Pinterest with pockets. Same fabric.
  11. Two weeks later when the dress is ready, make your way to the fundi’s house. So the dress kinda sorta maybe looks like the one on the picture. It probably only needs a few adjustments.
  12. How do you feel about it? A most important question from sister dearest. You’re not quite sure at first but maybe you need to see it in a better light. It was dark at the fundi’s. Try it on again during daytime in a well-lit room and try to summon feelings you don’t quite understand. Start getting a little philosophical in the midst of all this. But what does it truly mean to like something?
  13. “Don’t settle for a dress you don’t like.” You will be advised. Pay heed to this (this is the cheapest thing you will pay for as you plan for the wedding!).
  14. You don’t like the dress. This realization, this heavy wet blanket, will settle on your awareness, disillusion you. Though you don’t know what you want anymore, this dress will not be IT. Get back to the drawing board. A Pinterest board, to be more specific.
  15. Lace will start to look like an attractive choice after a few weeks. Not as mainstream as you initially thought. Also, if well put together, lace could have a positively rustic bohemian quality to it. Right?

 

Stay tuned for Part 2.

 

fundi  – Use here to mean a tailor, but also refers to  a mechanic, technician, plumber · artisan, craftsperson, metalworker or artificer.

nguo za stairs – Directly translates to ‘a staircase dress’. A (mostly) Nairobian term used here to refer to dresses with cascading detail that were rather popular with little girls in the 90s.

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3 thoughts on “How to the find the perfect wedding dress: 15 simple steps – Part 1

  1. This part, number 14. “You don’t like the dress. This realization, this heavy wet blanket, will settle on your awareness, disillusion you.”
    I totally feel you. Ask my sister how many times I kept saying I would return my gown.

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